An Arab’s wife

Sometimes I don’t know how I should react when I see the fear in people’s eyes when they hear that my husband is an Arab. The fear because: ‘How is it possible that someone decided to start a relationship like this?’ and the disbelief because: ‘How is it possible that I am still alive?’ 😉 I think that all Polish women who are in a relationship with a foreigner hear similar things so I will present you my ‘favourite’ 😉

There is no chance for this relationship!

If you haven’t heard this ‘advice’ something must be wrong. It’s clear that if you are in a relationship with a foreigner this relation won’t last long. Unlike relations between two Poles which always last until the end of their lives, without breakups and divorces 😉 Anyway, it’s sure that you met a foreign partner, especially if he is an Arab, on holiday or online so the breakup is guaranteed! No one is even going to ask how you really met. At the end, what people don’t know they are just going to make up, right? If your husband is Egyptian it’s certain that you met in Hurghada or Sharm el-Sheikh. I’ve never been in any of those places, I’ve never used any dating website and I met my husband in the most boring way that I could ever imagine: when we worked as volunteers in Poland. This story is so boring that strangers preferred to invent and keep on telling the story about a relation from Egyptian holiday resort 😉
PS. Two people with different nationalities meet on holiday or online, so what? Does it give anyone the right to judge that this relation is worse? It’s curious that if it comes to the relationships between Poles, no one is shocked that they met during holiday…

He is an Arab! 

Recently an Arab has become a synonym of the worst things you can imagine. What’s more everyone whose skin is a bit darker has become an Arab. It doesn’t matter if he i san Indian, Iranian, Mexican or Syrian. Dark hair and dark skin are enough to be an Arab. For example, Pakistan and Iran are not Arabic countries. Besides, Arabs are not equal. Not every citizen of an Arabic country is an Arab! In Algeria there are also Kabyle people who have their own language. Apart from that not every Arab is a Muslim, not every Muslim is an Arab, not even every Egyptian is a Muslim! Egypt is inhabited also by a big group of Christians, the Copts. More or less 10% of the citizens are Copts. It seems to be little but the whole population of Egypt is more than 82 million so 10% is a significant number. Egypt is not the only example, Christians live in many other Arabic countries.
Muslims and Christians live in Egypt next to each other and nothing wrong happens. On the same street we can find a mosque and a church. I’m not trying to say that there is no intolerance between the two groups. Of course there are, as everywhere. Nevertheless, personally I’ve never seen a situation like that. I know Muslims who went to Christian primary schools because in their city they had better education than public schools. I have Muslim fiends who have Copts friends and no one sees any problem. My husband used to work with Copts, they celebrated their feasts together, Christmas and Ramadan, and they have never heard a bad word about their religions from each other. It’s possible.

She didn’t make it with a Pole so she found an Arab

As we know an Arab is a person from a worse category of people so when she didn’t have another partner (a Pole of course because only a Polish man is considered to be the right partner of a Polish woman) she found ‘anybody’. No one cares about the fact that you have never been interested in other people’s nationality, that for you the person is important, not his nationality. And that you have never even paid attention if your partner will be Polish or not because first of all he is a good person and has the same principles and rules in his life as you do. Your reasons are not important at all, people know what they want to know 😉

He will hit you, close you in a cellar, take your passport…

…and many other disasters will happen if you decide to be in a relationship with an Arab. I don’t really know where that common opinion about Arabs who always mistreat their wives comes from. However I know stories about Poles who hit their wives and those who think that the wife’s place is at home with kids. I also know Arabs who are far from being perfect and those who are normal. They are normal to this point that they are just boring. I also know that the stories of unhappy relationships are more interesting. It’s easier to sell an unhappy story than the one with happy end. Who would like to read about a happy relation with an Arab? On the contrary, a story of a poor Polish woman who met an Arab and later got what she wanted… you can always feel better while sitting in front of the TV and think that someone’s life is worse than yours… And happy stories are so boring… So if your Arab partner doesn’t mistreat you, doesn’t close you at home, watch out! ‘Nice people’ will say that if he doesn’t do it now, he will certainly start one day so your time will come 😉
I keep on waiting and waiting and nothing… Years pass and nothing… But since my time will come anyway maybe not everything is lost 😉

It’s a different religion, different culture

Indeed it’s different but different doesn’t mean worse. The fact that someone is neither European nor Christian doesn’t mean that his religion or culture is worse than ours. He was simply born and brought up in a different culture and religion. Before my first trip to Egypt people used to warn me that it’s ‘different’, ‘unfamiliar’ religion. Someone will kidnap me and kill me because this is how they do there with people with different religion. As you can see nothing like this happened 😉 Besides, as I mentioned before, Egypt is not inhabited by Muslims in 100%. It turned out that people there are very kind, open and I’ve never heard a bad word about my religion.
Here I want to tell you a real story that happened to us in India 🙂 One day we were talking to our host in Agra about religious intolerance. Then he asked me:
He: ‘Tell me how many gods do we have?’
Me: ‘How many gods? One, that’s obvious’
He: ‘And how many religions do we have?’
Me: ‘A lot.’
He: ‘Look, if there is only one God there should be only one religion. Religion is only a lifestyle and it’s normal that people in different parts of the world have different lifestyles! You were born in Poland, your parents are Christians so you are a Christian too, your husband comes from Egypt, his parents are Muslims so he was brought this way and I was born in India, my parents were Hindu so I am also a Hindu.
You know what? I liked what he said because he was totally right! What difference does the religion make if someone is a good person?

A little summary

I’m not going to tell anyone that there is no culture difference because I would lie. Of course there are. But when after all these years someone asks me: ‘Don’t you have problems with culture difference?’ I start thinking and I really can’t remember what culture difference there was at the beginning…  Really I don’t think it was big or irritating because we wouldn’t have lived together for 4 years 🙂
I won’t deny that there are also tragic stories among mixed marriages. Unfortunately there are. But I will never agree that they are a result of someone’s religion or culture, that a certain nation has something ‘in their blood’. None of the religions or cultures has violence, lies and crimes ‘in their blood’. What’s more none of the religions allow that. The fact that a relation didn’t work out or had unpleasant consequences means only that everywhere in the world regardless of the origin, people form good or bad relationships. They can be a perfect couple for years or split up after one year. There is no rule or recipe. Every relationship is a risk and it’s up to us how this relation will look like. Let’s stop blaming the origin or the religion, this way it’s too easy. Each person should be responsible for his decisions and take them reasonably without blaming the religion or nationality for the failure.
Apart from the unhappy stories there are many other stories about happy relations 😉 Just no one talks about them because as I said before, they are just boring 😉 I think that in this case it’s better to be boring 🙂
Best regards,
Very boring and normal married couple: a Pole and an Egyptian 🙂